Maybe its me but if you are instructing me on something for which you have no experience, I don’t want to hear from you. There is a saying, that those who can’t do, teach. I’m of the belief that if you can’t do it, how the hell are you going to show me how to do it. The moment you let me know that you are not capable of doing what you are teaching, all of your credibility goes out the door.
I’m sure you’re wondering what this little rant is about, well let me tell you but as a blogger, I must first tell the back story. I am a single (divorced) mother with 2 kids. I left my ex-husband when my youngest was 6. While I was married, my ex would work 3 jobs if he had to in order to make sure we as a family had the necessities….or so I thought up until the time we got our 1st eviction notice. We lived in Louisiana at the time & he told me that the cute little house we were renting was going to be sold and we had to move. I never questioned it until our property manager came out & I said, its too bad they want to sell this house. At that time, he set me straight, he said we were 3 months behind on rent & that he’d given my husband the option of catching the rent up, move or be evicted. I, being young & stupid figured there MUST be some type of misunderstanding but we moved.
We then moved a few years later to Florida where once again we rented another cute little house. This time, I happened to come home from lunch to a blatant eviction notice on the door. I was already working on saving this marriage after learning that my husband was cheating (I found out on Christmas Eve….Merry Damned Christmas to me). So I said, when I move, I will move with the kids and no man so we moved into two separate residences. Once we finally went to divorce court, the judge was prepared to set the rate of child support but my ex had just lost his job. Trying to be fair, I said “Your honor, I don’t want him to struggle attempting to pay the designated amount, can we revisit this once he finds a job”. The judge agreed, I felt this was not going to be an issue because he always made sure our kids had what they needed & if you would have told me I would have to fight him for child support, I would have been ready to fight you in the street.
He literally told me that he would not pay me until they forced him to. Five years I got nothing but would call the child support enforcement line every Wednesday for that 5 years. Once a woman on the other end said “You called here last Wednesday & the update is still the same” in her nasty government employee tone & I rebutted “then I will talk to you again NEXT Wednesday so you at least have a job one day a week” in my Chicago inner city youth with an attitude tone.
Now we get to the point of the back story, my youngest is now in college and all of his elementary school fees, I paid, all of his high school fees, I paid, all of his initial college fees, I paid and whenever he is in need, I pay. My children have learned that their father cannot be relied upon and he’s attempted to convince my son to sit out a semester whenever he has been called upon for any financial assistance but here’s the part that has me pissed. His reasoning behind not giving his son any financial help in college is because he “wants to teach him how to be a man, how to be responsible”. Really? I find that comical. He still owes me thousands of dollars in child support, he showed up for 1 game a year when my son played high school & college football so I reared them alone and he is trying to teach him what?!
I don’t know whether to laugh, shake my head in pity or be completely insulted. At almost 22 years of age, if my son has not learned to responsible by now, he will never learn it. For this man to think he can teach this young man who works a full time job, has a full time school schedule, who actually pays his bills on time & bypasses fun because it would dip into his rent money, this kid, who on any given night I can call & the sound of exhaustion from either working or studying can be heard on the phone lines. This kid who is busting his ass to buy books out of his own pocket and who got mad at me for trying to rescue him financially by saying “Mom, you taught me to be a man and stand on my own, please stop offering what I didn’t ask for”. I somehow think that a man who always found excuses when his children were minors to not send money, this man who would tell his children to forego furthering their education so he doesn’t have to send money, this man who still owes thousands of dollars in back child support that he & his wife have managed to locate loopholes so he never has to pay (she’s a tax professional) floors me when I hear him say he wants to teach my son how to be responsible.
As they grew up, I would occasionally call & say I wanted him put in jail, he has been 30 days past due since the middle of forever and what I was told is he has to be at least x # of days overdue to which my response is why does he get to be x # of days overdue feeding his kids but if I don’t feed them, I will be brought up on neglect charges, they will be taken from me & I will be labeled a shitty mother. I wrote this rant because child support is not about fun money for the Mom as some men seem to think of it. It is the water they wash their asses with, the water I cook their meals with, the lights that allow me to see the homework I help them with, the food I put in their bellies, the roof that keeps them safe from harm, the clothes I cover them with and yes the football, dance, baseball & other fees I have to pay for them to attend school. If I have a new purse, I work and its not your business that I bought one but it is your business to BE RESPONSIBLE. So I am not of the mindset that those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t need to shut the fuck up and let those who know what they are doing and talking about take center stage. Rant over