It’s My Mothers Fault

If you have ever watched daytime talk TV you know that its usually the Moms who get blamed.  If you have ever heard anyone talk about having therapy, you know its the Mom who gets blamed.  When a young person gets into trouble, especially if it makes the evening news, people always ask “Where was his mother?” It is almost as if we were all conceived through immaculate conception, the Dads get a pass pretty much 98% of the time.

When we are small kids, our Moms know everything, then we become adolescents and not only do they know nothing, we don’t want to be seen with them.  Somewhere in our twenties, we realize them not knowing anything was just a phase they were going through lol.  Then we get older and somehow, they again begin to know less and less and we grow less  and less patient with them.

This at least has been my experience.  This evening, I took a long drive and my Mom was on my mind in a very heavy way.  My mother has never been an overly affectionate person so I shower my kids with hugs & kisses.  Even at 21 & 24 my kids still kiss me good night if they are home.  If we are watching TV together, it is not unusual that one or both of them are laying all over me.  My mother didn’t initially graduate from High School so she didn’t push us academically so I pushed my kids really hard & they both graduated High School with honors, my daughter graduated college with honors, my son is in his 3rd year of college so time will tell if he too will graduate with honors.

My mother was never really adventurous, she left Mississippi when she was a kid and moved to Chicago where I was born & raised.  When my aunt moved to Wisconsin, my mom then went but she wasn’t the one to forge the path.  I have been the adventurous kid and I think….scratch that, I know I have been the kid that has freaked her out.  I always felt my mother had a life unlived.  That she had dreams that she was too afraid to pursue & I refused to wish for something without going for it.

As I drove tonight, thinking over my life & thinking about how the person I am is my mothers fault (I saved on therapy because I assessed my stuff without the hefty fees).  The conclusion I came to was this, when I was a kid I remember this lady named Ms. Lowe swept her dust out of her apartment onto me & my sister because we wouldn’t play with her tattle tale daughters.  I went home & told my mother and she had to be pulled out of that womans apartment because she was about to get that ass.  My mother had no qualms about fighting for her kids and that still holds true today.  Let someone mess with me even at 45 years old and you can bet my Mother will be right by my side.  Its my mothers fault that I will clear the joint out when it comes to my kids.  Its her fault that I learned that you don’t let anyone mistreat your babies.

I remember my mother coming to me after I left for the Air Force & sharing with me that she had not graduated from High School and that was something she never wanted us to know.  She said she’d gotten her GED and was off to college.  Let me tell you that standing at my mothers college graduation was a very proud moment for me.  Its my mothers fault that I learned that it doesn’t matter how old you are that you can still conquer the world, that if you put your heart into it, you can endure the toughest tasks and come out successful.   I learned to push my kids towards education & its my mothers fault, she showed me that knowledge really is power.   She also showed me that she was not willing to ask us to do something she wasn’t willing to do herself.  She really wanted us to be educated and felt she could not push us unless she pushed herself so she has encouraged her grandchildren to get degrees.

I remember my mother losing her job & doing her best to make sure we were fed, sometimes we only had rice (my baby sister had a friend that asked why we were always eating rice, I will never forget that).  I remember the first time I ever saw my mother cry.  I can tell you that I know for a fact that my mother went to bed hungry more than I care to think about so that we would have enough to eat.  My mother became cautious I think because to take risks would put her family at risk.  Sometimes I am impatient with her because we are all grown now & I want her to live the life she gave up for us.  Its my mothers fault that I love her with wreckless abandon & want so badly for her to really live before she dies.  I might need therapy because it may be unhealthy to love someone so much that you actually get mad at them for not realizing they don’t have to be so safe anymore.  I have to remember that this has been her life and if she is happy then I need to get over myself.  Its my mothers fault that I am one of her biggest fans, I learned to be her cheering section because she taught me that by example.  Yep, my mother was one tough cookie and she taught me to be that too.  To this day, my mother is always encouraging me.  She doesn’t always understand the choices I make (freaked her ALL the way out when I decided to go to South America alone) but she gets on board and supports me even when it freaks her out.

Thank you Mom, I know I’m not always easy to get along with but I love you to life!  I’m glad to say its all your fault that I turned out the way that I am and I love me some me because you taught me that I am important.  I love me some you for the exact same reason.  Is there therapy for that?