Once upon a time I was quite social. I served on committees for charity organizations, krewed on parade floats, was invited to & went to several parties. Then it happened, the world lost its mind. At first I wondered if I was depressed but I was happy just decided to spend more time alone. I found that when I was in crowds, people got on my nerves. I thought that my inner city upbringing was coming back to haunt me, you almost have to be angry when you grow up where I did. It doesn’t always manifest itself in ways that you would imagine but it is often brewing.
Then a friend of mine who is married to a military member asked me about this when I mentioned turning into a “social hermit”. Her husband is experiencing the same thing, then I spoke with another former military member and learned that this actually seems to be something we all share in common.
I tried to explain to her how I felt on the inside because this was actually a pretty helpful conversation to me. I am well aware that you are never alone in things that you experience in your life, there’s a support group for freaking everything but people get on my nerves so I don’t want a support group. I want to sit in my house where life is simple & happy. To some this may sound like depression, to me, this has become utopia.
Here’s how I feel & I thought I would share it because talking to her about it helped me realize I’m not depressed nor am I alone. The people involved are all either still active duty military or are former military members and as such, we became accustomed to a certain amount of order. Not only did we have that order in our workplaces but we came home & brought order there as well. My kids grew up saying yes ma’am & no ma’am. They were taught please, thank you, excuse me & we didn’t leave the house with the beds unmade.
Once upon a time, the world outside our doors had manners, if you held a door open you got a thank you. If you were blocking the mustard in the grocery store you got an excuse me or if you were hit mistakenly by a cart. Now people walk in as if they are entitled (insert annoyance), then they reach across you to get the mustard (insert a higher level of annoyance), then they bump you with the cart and look at you like you should’ve moved faster (insert ass whippin’ and a trip to the county lock up). It seems that we have become angrier but really we are just at a heightened sense of annoyance with the complete lack of respect people seem to have outside our doors.
Its easier to stay home where no one will get locked up & no one will get their asses whipped. I pick & choose with great care the places I choose to visit. The people I choose to spend my time with are also carefully selected. Often it has been said of me that I am a nice person but they would not want to piss me off. I am the nicest person in the world but I don’t live in a world where I was obligated to hold a door for you, where you get to just blatantly reach across me without the possibility of me sinking my teeth into your arm or where you get to dictate my pace in the grocery store. Since it seems those attitudes have become the norm and I prefer to be different, I choose to spend my time alone and with the people who make sense to me. I can’t imagine the other military members whose families think that because they have become loners they are depressed aren’t having some of the same feelings I’m having.
I hope this helps someone, I know having that discussion with my friend may give her some insight. Hearing that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way sure helped me.