Last night I went to an event & I had a wonderful time. It was an educational business event but there was mingling before & after. Somehow afterward standing around talking to a group of people the subject of dating came up. I can’t remember how but a couple of the men said to me that I was intimidating. I’ve blogged on this before and not much has changed in my dating life, I’m still intimidating (translation = single). Either way, the men that seem to get brave enough these days to ask me out are brave behind a keyboard. Sorry fellas, I’m an old fashioned girl & you sending me inbox messages on facebook will not get you a date with me I don’t care how nice you sound. You are already relegated to the friend zone if we do ever meet in person. Is that intimidating? To say something like that?
The other thing that happens in my circle of friends, I’ve heard both men and women say “She’s a really nice person but I wouldn’t piss her off”. Here’s the thing though, I can’t remember once ever losing my temper and going off on anyone. Several years ago there was a situation that turned ugly but leading up to it, there were never any loud disagreements, no pushing or shoving that had to be broken up. In fact, I retreated to my “cave” and would avoid events with the person that there was an issue with. We just so happened to clash on a night where avoiding her was….unavoidable. My point is I have no idea why the people around me find me so scary. I stand my ground on topics I believe in, you are not going to push me around or put me in a corner but I’m no bully by any stretch of the imagination. However, I have had some pretty intense discussions with people & because I know how to have a disagreement, we end as friends even if things get pretty heated. Now I will admit that I am loud and when I get excited (both out of happiness & anger) the volume of my voice goes up and I don’t really notice it but if someone points it out, I bring it down and if they feel I was yelling at them, I promptly apologize. I try not to yell but I am just a loud person. I learned to just speak my mind when I was younger because I suck at whispering and whoever I was trying to say something about on the low heard me anyway. So when the question “are you talking about me?” would come up, what the hell are you gonna do? I knew I was so I would fess up, so now I either keep my mouth shut or I just speak my mind. I think people would be shocked when I would respond that I was indeed talking about them & then tell them what I said, the good, the bad or the ugly. So I adopted the mantra, anything I can say once I can say twice. Is that intimidating? To say something like that?
I don’t want you to get confused about the purpose of this little rant, its not to beg for dates. I have come to the conclusion that “you’re intimidating” really means, honey you’d better get real comfortable with the only warm thing being in the bed next to you is your computer and I am, just the other morning I rolled over at 4 a.m. and it was right there, waiting for me to stroke the keys & send an email. Being told you’re intimidating is not flattering, being intimidating is a polite way of saying there is a reason I wouldn’t ask you out but I’m too polite or worried about how you would take it to tell you the truth about what you’re doing that is rubbing me the wrong way. Not that I would change. Is that intimidating? To say something like that?
I have been told its because I’m too confident. WTH? Why would a man want a woman who was insecure? I have been told its because I’m intelligent, again why would they want someone stupid? I have been told that my stature & that being pretty freaks men out. Really? I’m not even going to bother with a WTH for that nonsense (is that intimidating? To say something like that?) I am barreling fast toward 50 and I don’t think I would know how to change & there are those that say “God has someone special for you”. Uh huh, ok thanks (rolling my eyes at that one) Wait, is that intimidating? Do I enjoy being single? Yes. Would I like someone in my life? Yes. However, if it means trying to be something I am not in order to capture their attention then I will continue to be “intimidating” because the changes I make in me are FOR me. Trust me, I know I am not perfect but no one is and if my changes are for you then they won’t be permanent changes, they will be changes that will later make you feel that I have played games with you or changes that will make me resent you. So I am not changing….wait, is that intimidating? To say something like that?